Well it was either that or stay on Twitter and be anxious and depressed instead. I decided to take a few days off Twitter, and here I am just before bedtime, writing an unpost.
I’m going to try and be even more stream-of-consciousness than usual, by dictating this to my phone and hoping it comes out in a reasonably coherent form. But there’s no guarantee of that. Anyway I’m just going to carry on until I get too tired to keep going or until things just become so absurd that no one can follow what I’m saying.
I suppose I could talk about where I am at the moment. Physically I am located in my living room, and more specifically, sitting on my sofa. The sofa is in front of a wall with flowery wallpaper, the other three walls being painted an off-white of some sort. There is a window opposite the sofa.
It’s not a very big room, so it’s quite cluttered despite not having a huge amount of stuff in it. But I suppose a piano and a small bookshelf do take up a bit of room.
I didn’t mean to talk about my room. That just somehow happened. But I’m sitting here in my pyjamas, the same pyjamas that I was wearing when I woke up this morning, because today has been a pyjama day.
Did I say that I’m bored? Well, I am. Did I mention that I’m lonely? Well, that too.
I’m bored and I’m lonely because I haven’t been on Twitter today. I mentioned that already, didn’t I? It’s actually very hard to fill a day that used to be filled with social media. There are so many things that I could be doing instead, but I’ve found myself unable to do very much else. I played some mindless word games on my iPad. I listened to ABBA Gold a couple of times, despite concerns that I might disturb my neighbours. I even played through the song I’ve been working on a few times, but I’m still stuck because I need to write some lyrics.
I managed to heat up something to eat for my tea, but because I didn’t get dressed today I didn’t go out to the shop. So I have hardly anything left in the kitchen. I could do with some more variety in my food. There are other things I could’ve done today, in theory, but not in practice. Sometimes my brain just doesn’t let me.
I can’t really believe that anyone will read this far, because I really just have been saying words that come into my head without much thought. This is just something for me to do, a way of connecting to other people. Did I say that I’m lonely?
So often these days I feel the need for connection with other people, and by the end of the day when there has been none, I feel the need to keep trying, but I never really know how. I often have a desperate desire to talk to someone late at night, but I know that all sensible people have gone to bed. And who would want to talk to me?
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably getting bored by now. Did I say that I’m bored? Well, that makes two of us.